


The Perils of Plumbing

by sabinelagrande



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Alien Culture, Community: kink_bingo, Cultural Differences, Gen, Watersports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-07
Updated: 2010-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-09 23:55:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/92941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tarrant for the assist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perils of Plumbing

"This is, without a doubt, the worst planet I have ever been to," Vila moaned, stirring listlessly at his drink.

"Oh yes," Dayna said, rolling her eyes. "Because a boring nightlife is nothing compared to being shot at."

"Or being captured by the Federation," Tarrant added.

"Or being imprisoned and put to work."

"Let's not forget about planets that almost explode while we're on them."

Vila put his face in his hands. "You're a cheerful lot, you know that?"

"We do our best," Tarrant said, grinning.

"Oh well," he said, brightening. "I can always drown my sorrows. Anyone for another round?"

"Not for me," Dayna replied, standing up. "I've got to visit the little outlaws' room."

Tarrant pushed back his chair. "I'll come with you."

"Afraid I can't handle it in there?"

He smiled. "More afraid I can't handle it out here."

"Of course, abandon me," Vila moaned. "When I get carried off by space brigands-"

"We'll send them a thank you note," Dayna told him, taking Tarrant by the arm and tugging him away towards the bar's single restroom.

"Ladies first," Tarrant said, gesturing grandly at the door.

"How charmingly backward of you," Dayna replied, opening the door and walking in. She was gone barely two seconds before she came back into the hallway. "I think you'd better come with me."

"It can't be that dirty in there, can it?" he asked, following her in, but what he saw stopped him in his tracks. "What the _hell_ is that?"

"If I only knew," Dayna said, staring at the contraption on the wall.

"The people on this planet actually use that thing?"

"Several times a day, I'd imagine."

"But where does it- I mean, where does one-"

"Through that pipe, I think?"

"But surely it must be in that hole."

"I don't think so. The fresh water seems to be coming out of that reservoir, see?"

"I've seen some things in my time," Tarrant said, "but this is one thing I never expected to be confused about."

Dayna shrugged, shaking her head. "Well, you first. If you stand on that box, I think you can get it from here."

He chuckled bashfully. "I don't think I have to go anymore."

"Well, I do."

Tarrant sighed. "Can't you wait until we go back to the ship?"

"Teleportation only makes it worse!"

"You've noticed that too? I didn't want to say anything."

"I need to go," Dayna said firmly, "so I'm going." She paused. "As soon as I can figure out how."

They both surveyed the wall for a few moments.

"There are footholds," he said, pointing. "There and- over there, I think."

"Tarrant, that's a soap dispenser."

"That doesn't mean you can't stand on it."

"Even if those are footholds, how am I going to get them all the way up there? That one's high as my shoulder!"

Tarrant winced. "I suppose I'll have to give you a boost."

"Boost nothing," Dayna replied. "There aren't any handholds. I can get up, but I can't stay there."

He looked at her. "You really need to go, do you?"

"Yes, of course I do, or else we wouldn't be having this ridiculous conversation."

"You're sure you can't just go outside?"

"Tarrant!"

"All right, all right." He sighed. "I'll hold you up."

"I'd say I'd owe you one, but I sincerely hope we never end up in a situation even remotely like this ever again."

"Here's hoping. Do you want to, er-"

"I'd better," she said, zipping down the front of her jumpsuit. "Ready as I'll ever be."

He put his arms around her waist, hoisting her up; she braced her feet against the wall. "A little to the left," she told him.

With some difficulty, Tarrant adjusted them slightly. "Better?"

"I think so."

"I certainly hope you aren't shy."

"It doesn't help when you talk, you know."

Tarrant wisely shut up, pressing his face to Dayna's back. Above him, Dayna sighed and let go; he could hear the hollow, resonant sound it made as it hit the pipe, the gurgling noises as the whole apparatus worked. It was an oddly soothing sort of noise- comforting, really, maybe a little like the aquarium he went to when he was small, or the filtration unit above his bed on the _Liberator_. Dayna was making nice kinds of noises as well, ahhing quietly to herself in satisfaction, squirming slightly against him as she relieved herself.

It was not at all the unpleasant situation he expected to find himself in.

"I think I'm finished," Dayna told him.

"You'd better be sure," he replied.

"Do you see any paper?"

"Don't press your luck."

"You can let me down now," she said, laughing, accompanied by the sound of her zipper. "Am I supposed to flush it, do you think?"

He lowered her, helping her get back on her feet. "Let's just be uncouth and leave it to the experts." He straightened his clothing. "That was certainly an experience."

Dayna snorted. "Can you honestly say this is the strangest thing we've ever done together?"

He kissed her on the head. "Not even this week. Now, let's get out of here before it turns out we've defiled their water purifier."

After Dayna washed her hands, they made their way back to the table.

"There you are," Vila said. "I'd afraid you'd fallen in."

"Not much chance of that," Tarrant said, settling back in his chair.

Vila set a glass down in front of each of them. "Here we go. House special for each of you. Drink up!"

They looked at each other.

Dayna pushed his drink away. "I don't think I'll be thirsty again for a long time."

Tarrant laughed.


End file.
